Sunday, January 27, 2008

Books,mommy breaks, sons and daughters

I bought the most wonderful book today at the bookstore called "Let Me Hold You Longer" by Karen Kingsbury. Sean was watching all three boys while I got away for some much needed quiet, downtime for mommy. I really needed to refuel without everyone needing me. Oh how wonderful going to the bookstore can be. Grabbing a few books and sitting in the chair and escaping to another land. I even had a chance to read a book on the musical "Wicked" (a book I had read back in high school when I was playing the part of The Wicked Witch of the West in our production of The Wizard of Oz. The book had just come out at the time and I thought it would be really good for some background info on her. What a great book!) I got the CD for Christmas but have been wanting so badly to see it. It's actually coming to Orlando but they sold out so quickly that I wasn't able to get tickets. :-( Can I just tell you how sad I am about that! was great to look at all the pics and how they cast the fun fun for this old theatre major......Anyhow...back to the Karen Kingsbury book. It's a beautiful kids book, but really I think its more for the moms out there. It's a touching reminder of how fast the childhood years go by. Instead of focusing on the "firsts", like first words and such, it focuses on the "lasts", ones that we forget most of the time. Like last time I feed you, last time you had a mid-day nap. More than any other book I've read, it made me want to cherish all these precious times with my little blessings even more. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT. And it's a WONDERFUL gift for a new mom. really is beautiful. I bought it so I can pull it out during those moments that I'm wishing away these hard baby/toddler/preschooler years.

By do I love my little boys. I'm really cherishing the lasts with Asher, wondering if this will be my last time feeding a baby, having a baby in my belly, rocking him. Since we really aren't planning on getting pregnant again, the only way this would happen is if it's in God's plans. Which it just might, and that would be fine with me. We have both always had a passion for China adoptions and feel led to adopt there. So far we both feel confirmation from God that this is His plan for us to have a girl. And it's funny how much I've prayed for a girl. Even before trying with Asher I was praying that I might get pregnant with a girl. Since I was little I've always wanted a daughter. And God knows the desires of my heart and he says "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4 And I believe that either he will give us a daughter, whether it be our biological one or adopted, or he will change my strong desire to have one. With each boy my passion for sons gets so strong. I LOVE having boys. I think it is such a wonderful thing for a mom to have sons. But I would also like Sean to experience the love a daddy has for his daughter. I hear from other friends that it changes a man completely. And I've felt lately that God has been working on my heart to desire more for adoption than giving birth myself, but tonight as I was tucking Asher into bed I caught a glimpse of a little girls outfit hanging in this closet, a baby present I hadn't yet sent out. And the desire flooded my heart to have a baby girl with brown curly hair and big blue eyes. But I trust God with this more than I've ever trusted Him. And I truly believe he knows what is best for our family and he will grant us that. And I know that His plan is the best and leads to more happiness than I can ever imagine. So who knows....only the future will tell what our family will look like. Until then....I'll love on my 3 precious little angels and thank God everyday for them!

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