10 things you might not know about Aspergers

1. The conversation around the dinner table revolves around movie quotes and when asked to talk about something other than movie quotes there is a long silent pause and your son responds, "What DO we talk about then?"

2. When I say "Dallas you are smart as a tack" he responds "I'm not a tack!"

3. You cannot serve anything cold or red or smooth.

4. Your child would rather wear their too small, holes on the sides, shoes than change and get a new pair. Doesn't matter how great the new ones are....they aren't the same as the old ones.

5. When playing a game be prepared for the worst when your Aspergers child loses...including but not limited to: throwing, yelling, storming away, and slamming doors.

6. I now know everything there is to know about Spiderman, Star Wars, Roller coasters and Tornado's.

7. It's like pulling teeth to stop the bad habits: picking noses, smelling hands, flapping arms, etc

8. My children have higher IQs than me and I was in the gifted program

9. Everyone at the grocery store, YMCA, church or any other place we go to knows my kids names....even if I never told them.

10. The love expressed by them is so deep and wide that no one can even come close. It's an unconditional love that most people cannot understand. I've been up and down mountains but the joy of this gift from God is worth more than words.

Boston: the new direction

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind of appts for Boston and wrapping my head around the results. I haven't blogged much because I had all that going on, on top of all I talked about in my last post. It's been crazy. But today I realized that I cannot move forward and post anything else until I talk about it.

We have been going through testing for Boston because I was almost positive he had a severe case of ADHD. We tried everything all natural last school year (including gfcf) but nothing helped at all. I was convinced that he would need to go on medication in order to function and get anything done at school. He is a great boy and everyone loves him but the poor child just can't keep focused and keep still for the life of him. Someday he will be able to channel that into something and be uber successful....but until that time I needed to figure out how to help him be able to do the best he can in school.

My pediatrician wanted us to just put him on meds right away. No questions asked. But inside me, my motherly instinct said I needed to dig deeper to be sure that medication was the best route. The only thing I knew to do was to go to Dallas' neurologist because I knew she could get me in with the Neuropsychologist I loved so much that diagnosed Dallas. I also had the teachers and some staff hinting that there were some social issues going on with him. I knew when they mentioned it that it could mean Aspergers (especially with all his stemming- for him stemming is the typical jumping and flapping his arms that a lot of kids with Autistic Spectrum do.) But honestly I really didn't think he had Aspergers because to me Dallas and him are so different.

Making this long, long story shorter: after Neurologist visits, 3 visits with neuropsychologist (including an evaluation that took the whole day) he was diagnosed Aspergers. I was shocked in so many ways but then after it settled in and the psychologist was explaining things all the dots started to connect and I felt like I finally understood him better than ever.

It doesn't change him, it doesn't change his future, it just means that I can understand him better and we can help him to understand the world better.

From a mothers perspective it was the harder diagnosis. It's not like finding out your child has ADHD and you can use medication to help him. This one means your road down parenting isn't the rocky one that most people go on but one that includes a bolder, snow, ice, floods, and a mountain. It's still beautiful but you have to be prepared for anything. Things are always changing and you have to think outside the box. You can't do things like all the other parents do. You will be judged. You will feel like you are failing. But somewhere down the road there will be much reward. And I have to keep moving on knowing that.

Whitman Ticket System

We have been using this ticket rewards system I designed for our family for over a year now and I have to say it's been the best system I've ever implemented into our family. It worked wonders when the boys started school last year. For Dallas it was a lifesaver. His teacher even used it for him in class and it was the best thing to help him. When you have a child with Aspergers you have to be on your toes and think outside the box when it coming to discipline and raising them. Things just don't always work as easy as it might with other neurotypical children. This system speaks so well to him!

At first when I started it I wanted to make it a positive rewards system so I never took away tickets. Once we had been doing it for several months I then added in getting tickets taken away for certain things. (I need to make a chart for that too now that I think about it).

For example if they lie they get 5 tickets taken away, if they hit they get 3 tickets taken away, if they name call it's 2 tickets and if they stick their tongue out or make a bad face at someone or roll their eyes it's 1 ticket.

This is also a system you can take with you where ever you go. Dallas teacher would even take tickets with her in her pocket when they would go on field trips. We take the baggies and my tickets to hand out when we go on vacation.

It's also a great way of managing tv and video game time. If they have to buy their time on those things they will think twice before they spend time doing it. And when they get rewarded for playing out side and being active it reinforces those positive things in their lives. Book reading is another one I reward for and they get even more tickets when they read their bible or memorize scripture.

I LOVE giving out tickets. I especially love giving them out for random acts of kindness. If you use this system you can adjust it to work with you and your family and especially with each child in your family. I hope this gets your wheels turning.

I also posted here where we display our ticket system and keep the tickets. It's hanging in our kitching dining nook, a high traffic area and usually where I am...in the kitchen. I'll explain what the papers are hanging behind the ticket baggies another day. Another really fun thing to do with the kids!

The right mom for the job

God spoke to me this morning. And He didn't do it in the normal way.

I so often ask Him, "Why me Lord? Why give me children who have these extra needs that most don't have? Why send me down this dark road that not many have walked before? I'm not strong enough" As we venture into testing for our oldest son the road is all too familiar. The doctors all know me. I understand the diagnosis's. And I know the process. But I get tired of living in a world filled with so many letters: ASD, SPD, VPD, ADHD.....And the devil fills my head with "You aren't the right mom. You aren't doing enough. You aren't....no...aren't....can't....." But I press on, holding onto God with a fishing wire thin string with white fisted knuckles.

Then....this morning....He spoke to me. I was catching up with my dear old college friend Erica and we were sharing Autism war stores and the words came out of my mouth, "God gave them to us because He knew we would be the moms to FIGHT for them. And we have girl. With doctors who didn't support our initial gut feelings we took the bull by the horns and went at it full force. And our kids are healing because of it." They are not just surviving.....they are thriving! I have never had that thought before, but the Holy Spirit moved in me and not just spoke it to Erica, but also to me....through me. They weren't my words but His.

I am the right mommy for these kids. I have fought the good fight and will continue to do so. I have researched enough to be well on my way to my PHd in Aspergers, ADHD, SPD, VPD, gluten free-casin free, supplements, supplements, and more supplements.

I am aware of all the numbers:

• 4-7% of population with ADHD,


• 0.3% have Aspergers,


• 5% have Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD),


• 80% of marriages with a child on the Autistic Spectrum end in divorce.

The odds are stacked up against us on paper but we have a secret weapon. God. We can do ALL things through Him and the glory will be to Him for He will be the one to work it all out for His good.

So to all the parents of children on the spectrum, I understand your days. I know the difficulties presented each day. And I know that it's not in our power to do it on our own. So look up and not within. Open up the Word and let His words empower you with the perspective you need to get through the hour, the day and the week. You are amazing in His eyes and you should feel blessed to know that he thinks so much of you to bless you with these challenges.

(I have to add that Boston insisted on taking a "serious" picture and that's the photo above.)

Yes, I have 4 kids

I love having 4 kids.

I love the reaction when someone asks how many kids I have and I respond 4....and I pick their bottom jaw off the floor.

I don't think 4 is a lot. I know lots of families with more than 4. And although going from 3 to 4 has been the hardest jump, it's been my most favorite. Don't get me wrong....it's been crazy....insane....daily surviving sometimes, but there's also the joy of each unique child that is all yours. Their individual smiles, laughs, ways of loving, funny sayings. And it's fun to see just how different they each are and watch them interact with one another.

I had no idea how hard parenting was going to be. And I really had no clue how taxing 4 children going in different directions would be. But I wouldn't change it for the world! The craziness is part of the fun. And there are those days where everyone gets dressed on their own without me asking, they get their homework done quickly, there's no whining or crying and everyone gets along. And it's on those days that I gently sigh and smile at my life.

Then there are those time I'm dragging kids out of bed, someone's screaming because the other one is looking at them, Asher is whining because some food spilled and he can't stand a mess, Dallas is having one of his meltdowns, the baby is crying because she's teething and Boston is giving me an attitude about going over his spelling words. It's on these days the I sigh for a totally different reason. I sigh a DEEP sigh so I don't explode the inner monologue in my mind. And after I sigh (1, 2 or many times) I can sit back and look at the madness running around my house (and it's not even 7:30am) and it's amusing. 10 years from now I will wish I could be right back here at this moment. This moment where my kids need me to wipe up the spill they made, wipe their butt, or wipe the toothpaste they got all over their shirt.

And being a woman who's love language is Words of Affirmation I strive to hear "Wow you did a good job!" But when you are a mommy you probably aren't going to hear those words so often. And sometimes, even though you are trying your hardest to be the best mom you can be, and innocent bystander judges your parenting even though they don't know the situation. This happens to any parent but especially to those parents of children with Aspergers. But I try to remember that God sees it all. He sees the pee that I'm cleaning off the carpet when my 3 year old didn't make it to the potty in time. He sees the patience I exuded when my son is having a meltdown because he can't play a video game. He sees it all and He says "You've done a good job today Cricket." It's the unseen that matters. I exalt Him when I do these unseen things because this is where he wants me right now in my life. This is what's most important. THIS is my mission field! And He's teaching me that pride is no good. That I don't need other's approval or affirmation. All I need is Him. HE is enough.

So hold your head high mamas. You ARE doing an outstanding job. You are because you are trying. And HIS grace is sufficient to cover the areas you aren't so good in. Rest in Him and enjoy the precious little chicks that need you in the here and now.

(And you just can't help but laugh at this picture and Dallas face, Boston with his blank look, Asher clueless and Sydney more interested in my necklace. Hey - at least Sean and I are smiling! :-)

Dallas' teacher home visit

At the boys school they do home visits at the beginning of the year where they go to all the kids homes to get to know the kids and their families better. I'm so impressed with this and it just shows how much they care about the kids at this school.

Dallas was so excited about Mrs Holland coming last week. He was counting down the minutes, checking the door and listening for her car. She finallly got here and I'm not sure who was jumping up and down more, Dallas or our dog Dillard. He quickly whisked her in the house and lead her to his room to show her proudly his Star Wars themed room and point out all his favorite things about the room.

The kids all played on the patio while Sean and I got a chance to speak with her a little. She had some questions for us and and at the end of the questioning she said the Dallas was 100% a kinesthetic learner. We weren't too surprised with this.

But I got a little nervous about the year when we heard more details about his behavior in class this last week. The first 2 weeks he did awesome but now he's started having some issues in some areas. It tore at my heart. I know his heart is to behave his best. And you try your hardest to train your kids to do their best in school but you can't go with them to the class. I was so upset about it and was racking my brain, praying to the Lord, asking Him for a direction, a plan, a way to help him make better choices and think before reacting. That's when He reminded me about my ticket system that we use at home. There it was! It had been right in front of me all the time and I didn't see it. I emailed his teacher and asked her if we could incorporate the ticket system we use at home into his school day. He would get a ticket for behaving correctly at school during certain times and situations that he has a problem with. She loved the idea! This week has been amazing. He's come home everyday with 4 tickets and a great report from his teacher! That sleepless night spent worrying was fixed by a little rectangular, red piece of paper with the word "ticket" on it. Thank goodness for tickets!!!!

Whitman Family Rules

I have been wanting to create our own Family Rules for a long time now. When I happened upon Pleated Poppy's Family Rules and saw exaxtly what I was looking for.

Instead of creating mine with paper and modpodge I did it digitally on the computer. I have an empty 24x36 frame that I'm going to use and it's been sent off to the printers. I can't wait to get it hung up!!!

Here's our rules:
Always tell the truth and keep your promises
Obey your parents without challenge, excuse or delay
Forgive easily and quickly
Work cheerfully and never give up
Encourage your siblings....share in their joy
Use your manners - Yes, please.....No, thank you
Husband - love your wife daily and Wife: always be by his side
No fussing, no whining
Sing silly, dance crazy, hug often, snuggle up, say I love you
Be on each others team
Be a blessing in this house and out of it
Use Nice words....Ignore dirty words
Too much TV is bad....Too much reading is good
Hands are for hugging not hitting
Bless your food, be grateful, eat together, clean up after yourself
Share everything expect bad ideas
Say your prayers....thank God for this family.

I copied many of the rules from Pleated Poppy's guest post and other examples and created a few of our own. It was hard to narrow down but I'm happy with the final product. Hope it inspires you. If you create one I would love to see it!

Autistic Girl Expresses Profound Intelligence

This video is amazing! Watch and be in awe of what is really going on in the mind of an autistic child who is not verbal.

A step in the right direction for Dallas

Exciting day today! Dallas did his 30 minute evaluation with 2 kindergarten teachers and the ESE teacher at the charter school Boston has been accepted at. The best part was that one of the teachers is a lady that Sean used to run regularly with when he was training for triathlons. What a since of peace I felt as he left me with a jump in his step and ready to take on the world. Maybe we will actually make it through these education years with some since of grace.

30 minutes later he came back smiling and not wanting to part from the new little boy, Elliot, he had met at the evaluation. My little social butterfly loves to land next to anyone and strike up a conversation. And I see him blossoming each day, learning to be more interested in other people than himself. And despite his Aspergers he seems to be more genuinely interested in interacting with other people and learning more about them than non affected kids. Even at Target the other day we passed by a lady who had a girl about 4 years old and a baby girl. Dallas said the Mommy, "Your little girls are so cute, " and the mom beamed. Then in the sweetest tone he said Hi to each of the girls. "How are you today?" he said the 4 year old. And in a googly, sing song voice he said to the baby girl "Oh look at you. What a cutie you are!" I smiled. Dallas has always been the kid that will walk up to a complete stranger as if he has known them forever. He the one that makes adults uncomfortable as we walk through walmart and he says hi because people no a days seem to keep to themselves and not make eye contact. Dallas could care less. "Hi, how are you today" "Hi, you are a very pretty girl." "Hi little boy, cool shoes" It's one of the things I'm most proud about him.

Back to the evaluation....the sweet teacher who was Sean's running partner pulled me aside in the other room and mentioned that she thought Dallas was very high functioning Aspergers boy (praise God he was having an especially good day and that he has progressed by leaps and bounds since his IEP evaluation at the beginning of the year!!!!!) She saw him having no problem coming to school there. I could have jumped up and down like a school girl getting asked out on her first date. We discussed some awesome things that would be available for Dallas at the school and I even learned that she herself is a Behavioral Therapist who works with severely autistic kids part time. What a true blessing. I feel so safe and comfortable sending him to school there knowing that he will be loved and cared for and most importantly understood! I thank God for having his hand on Dallas' schooling the whole time, even when I started to lose faith. And especially in those dark hours when I couldn't see the brightness of the future and wondered how in the world we would make it through the schooling years. And praise God that Dallas is making such huge steps!

I was looking at an old picture of Dallas from 2 years ago when we first started his testing to find out what was going on with him. At the time he licked his upper lip constantly. It was forever chapped and I would try every flavor of chap stick to help heal it but nothing seemed to work. At that time I thought he would never grow out of it. But he eventually did a few months later and has never done it since. I have to remember that there will be seasons with each of my kids. Good seasons where they strive to please and do good, and other seasons of learning that need constant correction and discipline. But during those dark times I have to remember that God always brings us out and He always teaches us a valuable lesson.

God is good all the time and ALL the time God is good!

Evaluation day tomorrow

Isn't it interesting how a simple ordinary day can be so important and affect the course of your next year. That's how I feel about tomorrow. And it's all up to Dallas and the teachers evaluating him. It's all up to them to decide which school he should attend.

But really it's not. Really it's all up to God. We are just the players in HIS masterpiece play.

So as I crawl into bed now and the stress starts to churn inside of me....I stop.....I breath.....and I lean back into my Fathers arms because I know no matter what He will take care of me and He will take care of Dallas. I've got to remember that Dallas is His son and I don't have to carry the burden of protecting him all on my shoulders.


- Cricket

Sending Dallas to school

Sending your child off to school for the first time is nerve racking for any loving, caring mama. I remember Boston starting Kindergarten and feeling those odd feelings as I dropped him off the first day, not feeling comfortable enough for him to walk to class alone, I walked him everyday for a few weeks. It was when he begged me to drop him off and him walk alone, it was in that moment that I looked at him and realized how fast he was growing up.

And now I'm at another crossroads. It's time for baby #2 to start Kindergarten. My precious, loving, big hearted Dallas is all ready to begin big boy school. But Mama isn't ready! Mama has been a wreck all week at the thought of it. Not only do I have the normal uneasy, nervous, send your baby off all day kind of feelings that are normal. Layered on top of that are the protective, shelter him feelings of a Mama of a child with Aspergers. The feelings that you don't want anyone to misunderstand them, a child to make fun of them, them to not understand what is expected of him or act the wrong way. The feeling like you need to be there, right beside them to hold their hand and for them to feel your unconditional love and protect them from getting hurt. As I write this the tears well up inside of me. It's been a rough few days. It wasn't until yesterday that I saw more clearly the reason why.

There's a lot of back story that hasn't been written on here because of our precious new baby in the house and the lack of time for me to blog. Dallas is scheduled to be going to a public school with a wonderful Aspergers program. Originally he was to be main streamed in with all the other kids but after several evaluations they thought it might be good for him to be in a special class, get the help he would need for long term success and then we integrate him back in with the "normal" class. After much prayer I felt peace about this and we went forward. We really had no choice. The Charter school that Boston had gotten into Dallas still wasn't into yet. And I knew homeschool wasn't going to work for Dallas with the two little ones at home and it was better he went away so he could also get the therapies he needs that I cannot supply him.

All was good....until Saturday morning. I woke up with a very uneasy feeling at the school Dallas was assigned to. I felt distraught, upset, nervous. I was on my way to take Dallas to a birthday party so I tried to just forget about it. Why was I feeling this way? I had so much peace about it before. Where were these feelings coming from? Then, there at the party, I was introduced to another mom who's daughter would be going to the Charter school for kindergarten next year, the same grade Dallas would be. She was #17 on the list and had gotten in 2 weeks ago. What! Dallas had been #7 but when Boston was in got moved up to #4. Why wasn't HE in!!!!???? I was angry and my blood pressure was slowing escalating.

All the way home I vowed I would call the school on Monday and call them out on it and get my son in! But Sean quickly calmed me down and said that the program Dallas was going into was supposed to be excellent and that God would work it all out. You see, the school the program is in is in a very bad part of town. It's not a "good" school, even though the program is good. That might explain some of the uneasy feelings I have. I sat back and decided I wouldn't call the charter school, I would let fate run its course and God was in control and knew what was best for him.

On Monday I called the school to make sure everything was all set up for Dallas and find out when open house was. They informed me that although his IEP had been sent over that he wasn't registered for the school and I would need to come in to do that. So on Tuesday I drove to the school. The uneasiness engulfed me and I prayed the whole way there, "Lord, if this is the school you have chosen for Dallas show me and give me complete peace about it. " Needless to say it wasn't a good experience. I felt horrible the entire time I was there. Everyone at the school was staring at us like we were in the wrong place and needed to leave. I didn't end up getting him registered because I was missing a piece of paperwork. I loaded everyone up quickly and drove away with tears in my eyes. Before I was out of the parking lot I was calling the Charter school. After explaining the situation about the other little girl getting in I was put on hold for a long time. Finally they came back on and said someone would be calling me back later that day.

No call.

So Wednesday afternoon I called and they told me that the director of the school was planning on calling me this afternoon. The director! Did that mean good news or back news. I was sick all day over it.

Finally at 4:30 that afternoon, after I had given up that I would get a return phone call that day and would have to call back tomorrow, my phone rang. She apologized for the misunderstanding with the little girl getting in and informed me that Dallas did actually have a spot but they were needing to call me to schedule a time to come in and evaluate him to make sure this would be a good fit for him. Evidently the lady who handles this has been at the hospital because her baby is in the hospital. You can only imagine my elation! So next week we will have an evaluation with the school. I'm not sure what this will entail but I'm praying it goes well. What a relief to know that he would be going to this amazing school that was started by the director who is a pastors wife and they themselves have an autistic kid who they wanted mainstreamed in the regular classroom and decided to make a school where it would be possible. A school where that demands healthy eating, no sugar and lots of water drinking. A school that does Brain Integration Therapy for PE. A school that has zero tolerance for making fun of other kids because they are different. A school that uses cutting edge technology when it comes to helping kids with learning disorders.

A school that is PERFECT for our family!

Amazing Aspergers Video

Choosing to celebrate the hardships God has placed in my path and going one step further and calling them blessings instead of hardships is where I would like to be. It's those quiet little moments when I see a glimmer of Gods love that gives me the fuel to keep going. It's clips like the one I have linked that remind me of the joy in my life, because all too often, especially on a bad day, it's hard to see the sunshine in the rain. But today I reminded of the strengths of Aspergers and how much farther Dallas will go in life because he has it, because he's been wired differently, because he can do things I can't.



This morning I woke up stressed about the choice for Dallas school next year. Not that I really have much choice in where he goes (the school we are zoned for is definatly a no go, he's still on the waiting list for the charter school Boston is going to, and homeschoo for him would be very difficult with the two little ones always interupting-he needs consistcy and being interupted isn't good). I have felt total peace about the school he is going to next year until this morning. Dallas has had a great week at the beach. While Boston and Asher kept getting in trouble, Dallas came out smelling like a rose. He was so well behaved! Then this morning I started thinking about the "special" class he is going to be in a piece of me started to freak out. I'm trusting God that he will show me the way and open doors that need to be opened. I know His plan is perfect and His timing is perfect and I just need to rest in that.

Dallas IEP for next year

I feel like months have been leading up to today.

This morning was our IEP (Individual Education Plan) meeting for Dallas for Kindergarten next year. He has had several evaluations with Orange County and today was the final results of all those evals to figure out where he should go and what services he would qualify for.

The stress that has consumed me resulted from the last two evaluations. During these you want your kid to perform at his worst so they can truly see what he needs. But for Dallas these two days he was literally acting at his most extreme worst. So much so that afterward the evaluators and psychologist and the Autistic Spectrum Disorder coordinator all agreed that he needed to be in an ASD class next year.

I froze.

What happened to him being integrated into the class and coming out for the services he would need. Not my child! He isn't that severe. He is very high functioning.

Needless to say Sean and I came to the meeting with bullets loaded, not about to let our boy be placed in a special needs class.

On top of that we had applied to Hope Charter school for the 3rd year in a row. The first year we were 90 something on the wait list (with only 20 spots per grade), last year we were 60 something, and then FINALLY this year Boston got in! Dallas was #7 on the wait list but moved up to #4 because his sibling got in. But I struggled. I asked God why in the world he wouldn't have Dallas get into this amazing school. This school that seems so perfectly suited for him. A school that was started by a pastor and his wife with an autisic kid that they wanted to be integrated into the class. A school the reinforced the same great eating habits we do at home (no artificial anything and less sugar) and incorporates Brain integration therapy and other amazing education plans into the school day. I just couldn't understand why this wouldn't be God's plan.

But today I think I know why.

After a 3 hour IEP meeting it became clear to me that Dallas needs extra attention. It may not be for the entire year, it may just be for a month. But for him to succeed in the long run he would greatly benefit from individualized attention this first year, teaching him the social skills he needs and teaching him correct behavior and how to adjust and handle himself. And the school that he is being placed in seems like a great fit. They even have a sensory room. Sean and I will be touring the school on Monday and will have another meeting to finalize all the IEP in a week, but I'm seeing how God does have his perfect plan. I'm seeing first had how i need to trust him more and more.

I know He knows whats best and I just need to

be still....be quiet....and listen.

Are you going to Fix me?

"Are you going to fix me?"

This is how our neurologist appt started on Monday. Dr Kojic sat Dallas on the table and he looked at her and with the sweetest voice asked her that. Tears welled up in my eyes. Tears for so many reasons.

What a journey this has been the last almost 2 years.

The hard part is that I feel like I'm in the darkness. Someone has tied my hands behind my back, taken my voice away and told me to parent this child. I have no idea what I'm doing.

My heart aches.

My brain hurts.

And I feel all alone.

A friend of ours who has 2 kids with Aspergers said, "Parents who has a downs syndrome baby have people look at them and know that somethings different. But parents look at an Aspergers kid and think the parents are bad parents." Because to most anyone you won't see anything at all different in Dallas. He is high functioning and goes along like all other kids. But there are some things different behind the scenes that only those who are close enough and with him enough notice and pick up on.

And I just keep coming back to Dallas' question, "Are you going to fix me." (Mommy tears.....more mommy tears.) Dr Kojic and I quickly said to him, "There's nothing wrong with you Dallas. You are PERFECT just the way you are!!" He smiled and seemed to quickly move on. But I'm still stuck....stuck with this phrase ringing in my ears.

Today was a hard day. A lot of days are hard days lately. Trying to get through to him about things he's doing wrong is hard. When the heat of the moment comes he goes right back to his automatic response, which I'm reading is normal for Aspie kids. (I haven't yet gotten to the chapter on ways to help correct this problem. )

But after he's calmed down he always gives more love than most people are capable of. His compassion overflows. His heart is so genuine and transparent. He can bring so much frustration to me.....and yet the most joy I've ever experienced. And I know that he will be fine. It's not like he has a life threatening illness or some tragic problem. It's just something that is hard. Something that will take work from him and from me. But it will also be something that makes him the most amazing person that he is. Something that will stand him above others. Will make him more successful. Make him love more than others know how. He will be a light in other's darkness.

And for now I will continue to live for those joy moments in the midst of the challenging days. I'll focus on how amazing at sharing he is. How quickly he forgives others. How much he looks out for me and for his brothers. How much he misses me while he's at school. His limitless hugs. His perfect smile. His perfect self. Because he is perfect!

In the trenches of parenting

A friend of mine posted this on her facebook and I had to laugh and repost it. I hope none of my friends are offended by it, I don't put my nose up when you do give parenting advice, usually I'm asking for it ;-) But there is some truth to be said that unless you have a child on the Autistic Spectrum Disorder it can be hard to know what to say.

For me the hard part really is my own struggle with feeling like I'm not doing a good enough job. I've always been very successful in anything I put my mind to, but in parenting it's a daily struggle and learning experience, not to mention a test on my patience. Of course the rewards are amazing, but today has just been one of those days I feel like I can't do anything right and I'm just too tired. Not to mention the fact that with each passing day I notice more and more symptoms of Aspergers in our 3rd child which is overwhelming. Just this morning we tried on every single long sleeve shirt he had but every single one had something that bothered his skin. Needless to say I ended up putting pajama top on him that was tag less and soft. Then most of the day has been spent listening to him tell everyone "don't look at me" (a common occurrence in Asperger children-including Dallas) So now mealtime problems are multiplied with two children yelling "don't look at me!" Of course then the baby starts crying. You can see my crazy cycle.

The struggle for me, and I would imagine many parents with children with special needs, or maybe any mom, would be that I just don't do a good enough job. Did I handle the situation correctly? Is this an Asperger's moment or is he just not obeying me? Am I asking too much of him? And then of course now I have four children and each going through their own stage in growing up and trying to parent through all of them. Yesterday I found myself praying, "Lord I know you are giving me more than I can handle so that I need to put my faith in you. You've got it Lord, now send me down an instruction manual or some HELP!"

Then there's the mommy guilt. Did I read enough today? Was I patient enough? Was I stern enough? Am I not consistent enough? Or these: Did I do Dallas' 30 minutes of Physical Therapy exercises and is his toe walking not any better because I don't give it enough focus? I haven't made the charts his OT suggested that would help. Am I feeding them enough nutritious food? Have we dont any brain integration therapy this week? Are they getting the right vitamin and mineral supplements? Should we try Gluten Free/Casein Free diet? And the list goes on and on. I found myself pleading to God the other night to make all the noise in my head stop so I can finally fall asleep.

Are all these thoughts from God? NO Who then? The devil.

Has he penetrated my armour in my weakest hour? Yes.

My final thought is to just delete this ranting post, but I then decided I ought to post it because there might be some mom out in cyber space going through exactly the same thing as me and she can then be encouraged by the same verse that I am today. And remember, the Lord will never give you more than you can handle.

Would you rather live a life of ease and comfort and remain immature in Christ, or am I willing to be seasoned with suffering if by doing so I am conformed to the image of Christ? --Gary Thomas from the book Sacred Marriage

A 5th century writer, John Climacus, said "I would not consider any spirituality worthwhile that wants to walk in sweetness and ease and run from the imitation of Christ."

And I'll end with this scripture that's encouraging during the difficult moments in parenting:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does." James 1:2-8

So I'll try and smile during the difficult days when I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. And daily, or hourly ask for God's wisdom to know what to do and have faith the HE will give it. Nothing is too big for God! And I'll think on all the great things my kids do and focus on the positive moments. I'm ever so blessed by my four beautiful, loving children who help me grow each and every day. And I know in 10 years I'll look back at these days as the best, forgetting about being in the trenches, but remembering the beautiful days full of little children laughter and joy and thank God that he thought so highly of me to bless me with these four children.

Parenthood TV show featuring Aspergers

The new TV show Parenthood has a young boy in it with Aspergers. It's been very interesting watching the show and the similarities the family with the Asperger's child have to our own family. Like when the little boy wants to wear his pirate costume to school. Dallas has a Star Wars costume he wears pretty much all the time and when he's not wearing it he's asking to wear it. He also likes to wear the same pjs every night, although he's learned that he has to make do sometimes with others. (And he's gotten MUCH better about that.) I can't tell you how many times we have gone to the store with him in his costume. I was encouraged when the behavioral therapist on the show told the dad to go to his world instead of making him come to yours. And later in the show they show the dad running around the back yard dressed as a pirate too. It was so touching to me! I only wish the behavioral therapist we saw was a good as this one. Ours was horrible and after a few sessions we stopped going.

And the moment when they get the news that their son has Aspergers Syndrome brought tears to my eyes remembering the day when we were in the Neurologist office to have Dallas evaluated (because of his toe walking and my feeling like he has Sensory Processing Disorder) and being blindsided with a diagnosis of Aspergers, which I knew nothing about. I remember Dr Kojic telling us the same kind of things they were told in the tv show, about all the positive things about Aspergers and the amazing people thought to have it: Bill Gates, Benjamin Franklin, Isaac Newton, Albert Einsten, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Beethoven. I left not sure how I was supposed to feel. What does this mean? And then the scene with them meeting with the other couple who has a son with Aspergers and them talking about OT, PT, ST, ABA, Behavioral Therapy. It's the whirlwind path we are on.

Another scene from last weeks episode that touched close to home was the scene where he was asking the teacher to make the bubbles in the huge fish tank stop. And then the next thing you see is the fact that he has gone over and pushed the tank and it broke everywhere. I could totally see Dallas doing this if a sound was hurting his ears. He has learned to cope with some sounds, like the blender, by putting his hands over his ears.

I look forward to watching this show and what else they show regarding Aspergers. Will they show him telling people to stop looking at him? Will they show him having conversations with people and the one sidedness of it? Will they show the meltdowns? Will they show the repetitive questions over and over and over again? The writers son has Aspergers so I believe it will be a pretty accurate depiction of a life with an Aspergers child. Finally some parenting I can relate to!!!

My new quest

We got another diagnosis of Aspergers for Dallas back in January of this year when he was tested by the state (we were first told he had Aspergers in November of 2008 by the Neurologist and then told no it was PDD-NOS diagnosis from the NeuroPsycologist in January 2009) Of course they all agreed he defiantly had Sensory Processing Disorder. But now we have a definite diagnosis of Aspergers so I'm ready to take this bull by the horns!

I feel like I haven't really been able to put my hands around this disorder until now. With expecting the baby and then having Sydney I've been very focused on that. But now I'm ready to attack this neurological disorder head on and with all I've got! I'm reading the book "Eating for Autism" (Aspergers is high functioning Autism for those of you who know nothing about it.) It's a great book!! Talks a lot about nutrition and healing your body and getting the right vitamins and minerals as well. It goes very well with the movies Sean and I have been watching, "Food Inc," "Food Matters," and "King Corn." I HIGHLY recommend watching these movies. It will change your view of eating. Sean and I both would like to eat a more Raw Diet.

So my plan now is to heal all of us. I'm sure we are all deficient in some area. With me schooling Boston I notice more and more ADHD symptoms and as Asher gets older I'm not sure if he's coping Dallas or if he has some Sensory Issues of his own. Basically we all need a change in the way we eat and the way we think about food.

That's my mission.....

you are welcome to come along for the ride.....it's always bound to be very interesting when it involves my growing family!