Sunday, August 31, 2008

Lakehouse escape

We went away to my parents lakehouse this weekend to get away. We had some friends out on Saturday and that was really nice because it rained all day. The rest of the weekend the boys had a great time playing. Dillard especially loved playing in the lake for the first time!She didn't want to let Boston out of his sight

The boys even got to play on Uncle Hess' sailboat
I fought back emotions all weekend. I think it was because I knew we were going to bury the baby this weekend. Saturday night we went to Applebees to get Mudslides (something I had wanted to do before I got pregnant this past time but never did). That was a lot of fun. Sean went in town on Sunday and got his new car, a Buick Enclave. Its beautiful and I'm so happy he has finally gotten the car he has wanted for so long. A friend of the family that is pregnant and is at the same point I would have been was out at the lake and that made it a little difficult for me. But I pushed back tears and tried to be alone a bit. Suzanne and I got swamped by Wes and Sean playing Hand and Foot.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Bring the Rain

It's amazing to me how many people read my first post on the miscarriage. Thank you all for your thoughtful responses and emails. To be honest I really didn't think anyone would read it because it's so long. I wrote that late that evening after everyone had gone to bed and I desperately needed to process everything that had happened. For me the best way to do that is by writing and journalling. It's very therapeutic for me. I was taken by surprise when you all said how it touched you deeply. Of course I'm beyond touched by the entire experience, but for so many of you to walk down that road beside me is overwhelming to me. Thank you for all your love you have showered on me. It means more than I can write to you all. I feel wrapped up in love, peace, hope, joy, and understanding.

And maybe someday if someone else has to go down this same road I have, they can find comfort in knowing someone else has been there. And find peace in knowing how God can bless you even in sad circumstances like these. He's greater than anything we can understand and He can do ALL THINGS!

Below are the lyrics to a song that I have always loved but has taken on MUCH more meaning now. It says everything!


I can count a million times
People asking me how I Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times

So I pray
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

HCG levels dropping

Today has been a hard day.

My emotions are oh so raw today.

We had a crazy morning getting everyone to school (shoes went MIA this morning and it put the whole day off schedule). When I finally got home I got Asher to bed and called to get my HCG (this is the hormone your body produces when you are pregnant and what actually makes the second line appear on the pregnancy test strip) levels from my blood work yesterday. They were 2025. I had my HCG levels checked a few weeks ago and my last one was in the 4000 range. Immediately when I got off the phone I started crying...and crying...and crying. I think I've realized that as long as I'm around people I'm okay, but it's when I'm alone that my emotions get so....emotional. The level was just another reminder that the pregnancy was over. My levels will drop until eventually they are at 0, which will probably happen next week.

I think the hard thing after you miscarry is the constant reminder with the bleeding and the fact that my clothes don't fit because my little belly had already started to pouch out. But, like I have said before, I just have to keep pushing into God. There I find peace, answers, hope and joy in this situation.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Boston's thoughts, time with Jess and the box

I was having Boston finish up his homework for school this morning and he was giving me a very hard time about it. He told me he couldn't do it because he needed to take care of the baby and kept saying it over and over again. I said I was taking care of Asher he didn't need to worry about him. But then I realized that he was talking about the baby that had been in my belly. I sat down next to him, rubbing his back, and he said, "Mommy, I can't do my homework until the baby is back in your belly." My heart stopped. I froze. God quickly gave me the words to say, "Boston, the baby is now in Heaven with Jesus and having a wonderful time. You don't need to worry about the baby. He or she is very happy. And someday there will probably be another baby in mommy's belly." But he quickly replied, "But that will be such a LONG time mommy." Poor guy. I knew yesterday that he was hurting but this was the first time he had vocalized it. We finally finished the homework and headed for school.

I got to go today to the studio where Jess was shooting the commerical. I saw the studio and then waited for her in the green room. Then we got to have lunch at Panera Bread and just have some great time together. I was thinking back today and realizing that we have been friends now for 12 years since we meet freshman year in college. Doesn't seem like it's been that long! I feel very blessed to have such a great friend in her and such a strong friendship that crosses all the many miles distance between us.

My friend Carrie called me this morning and I was telling her how I had been looking for something perfect to bury our baby in but hadn't found anything. She said she had saw something at Longs that she wanted to tell me about so she drove over there and called me to describe it to me. It sounded perfect and after she dropped it off today I realized just how perfect it is. Thank you so much Carrie for finding this for me. It couldn't have been more right

Boston told me today when I picked him up from school that he has so many friends and that 1 girl and 1 boy want him to come over to their house after school but he's not sure which one to pick. So funny!

Today Sean's work sent us these beautiful flowers. I just loved all the touches of pink and they smell amazing!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Facing people, Gymnastics, and Jessica coming

In so many ways I felt like lift stopped moving on Friday and it's been a struggle to regain normalcy. Wednesday I worked hard to bring it back. Dropping the boys at school, cleaning the house while Asher napped, playing with Dallas when he got home and picking up Boston from school.

Sean and I had decided we would wait to tell the kids what happened until Friday, so it wouldn't upset them all week with school. But I soon found out that several of my friends had told their kids and worried that they would hear something tonight at church I called Sean and we decided I needed to tell them today. So when we got home from school I sat them down and said that the baby in my belly had gotten a little sick and God decided to bring it up to heaven to be with him. Boston got up right away, without saying anything, and walked outside to play with his trains. When I went out to see if he was okay he said he just wanted to play trains. I could tell he was internalizing it and just let him be. Dallas suggested that I put Asher back in my belly. LOL

Boston has been begging to take gymnastics for months so I signed him up for a trail class and we went to that this afternoon. The gym is this huge, well known gym that has a lot of competitive gymnasts. To say the least Boston got VERY overwhelmed when he walked in and started to freak out saying he wasn't going to do it. I felt like all the eyes were on me, with the parents thinking I was pushing him into this. I wanted to say, HE begged ME ladies. Anyhow...we ended up just watching and he enjoyed that and says he wants to come back when he's ready. Dallas was ready to jump out there right then!

Right after this we went right down the street to our church Wednesday night functions. The kids has there fun stuff with their friends and mommy is taking the Creative Correction series by Lisa Welchel...I LOVE Lisa Welchel!! To be honest I was VERY nervous about going. Would I cry everytime someone gave me a hug to say they were sorry? Would I cry when I ran into someone that didn't know and congratulated me on the pregnancy? I just wanted to race in and out without seeing many people in fear of where my emotions would go. All day I've done very well and have been very surprised with the peace and strength I have had. Butterflies swarmed my stomach when I drove in. My emotions are so raw right now I never know what to expect. I so badly wanted a coke once I got there but going into fellowship hall where everyone was eating was too overwhelming for me today. So I called my friend Carrie, since I knew she wasn't bringing her kids. She did even better than bring me a coke, she brought me one from McDonalds, the BEST cokes on earth, AND she brought me, Val and her milkshakes. Food and Friendship, it just doesn't get any better!

I ran into MANY MANY people. We got to a HUGE church so it was inevitable. I had many congratulations on the pregnancy that I had to explain. And many hugs from sad faces. Surprisingly I kept it together and was calm and collected and focused on God. It was a great evening and I'm glad I came.

Then I put the kids to bed and went to the airport to pick up Jess. It was so great to see her! We talked and talked and enjoyed each others company. She came bearing hands for a foot massage and it was just great to BE with her. I'm still in awe of how God orchestrated her coming here now.

(I don't like the evenings...I don't want to go to bed lately. Or I should say I have a hard time going to sleep. My mind is always racing.)

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Mourning my baby

This is a hard blog to write, but one I do feel needs to be written........ I miscarried our precious baby last night at around 7pm.

I haven't blogged all weekend because it's been a very dark and scary weekend. Friday afternoon at 4:30 I went to the bathroom and saw blood. I immediately called the doctors office because I have never even spotted with either of the other three pregnancies. The doctors were already gone for the day and the nurse told me I needed to proceed to the ER. I immediately thought this was a pretty rash decision on her part since it wasn't even that much blood. So, I prayed about it, and very strongly felt that we shouldn't go. I later called the doctor and he said that he didn't think I needed to come either, to wait and call if things got worse. I did continue to bleed, and get scared. We had gone over to my parents house to celebrate Suzanne's b-day and the whole time I couldn't help but think that maybe I might miscarry. Sean seemed very confident that everything would be fine. My parents said they would keep the boys and we took Asher home because the doctor said I needed to take it easy tomorrow. In the morning the blood had slowed down, Sean went to a conference and I SAT on the couch. My sweet friend Carrie surprised me and came over to keep me company because she had had a miscarriage. It really was a blessing to have her there. But later in the afternoon the cramping started coming and the blood came more. Scared again I called the on call doctor, Dr C, and he said that I was more than welcome to come to the ER just to see what was going on so I didn't have to worry about it all weekend, but there really wasn't anything he could do to help. I felt a very strong conviction again not to go to the ER. Hours of waiting and being exposed to who knows what just to calm my nerves seemed pretty selfish. But again, it kept getting worse.

I went to bed Saturday night and woke up Sunday morning convinced that I now wanted to go to the ER because I needed to know. I called and, God Bless the Lord, Dr Walker was on call! Immediately he told me to go lay down, not to dare come to the ER because there was nothing he could do and I needed to be on bedrest. SOOO...all day I did nothing. Suzanne and Wes came by to visit after church and brought Krispie Kreme doughnuts and it seemed like the day would never end. We went over to my parents to watch the closing ceremonies of the Olympics (since we don't have tv) and the cramping and bleeding just kept getting worse. I thought for sure this was it. We headed home, and just like Saturday night, I cried the whole ride home quietly to myself. I got home and called Dr Walker and said I think it's happening and he told me not to give up. He said he's seen this many times and everything turns out fine. He told me to take 800 mlgs of advil and go to bed. This was to slow the uterus down and the cramping. It worked and I got some sleep.

Through the weekend, although I was scared out of my mind, I did feel a trust in God. A trust I'm not sure I have ever felt with Him. I truly gave the baby to Him. I asked that His will be done because only He knows the whole picture. I'm only seeing this small part of it, and I truly have to trust him whole heartedly. It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt and that it's not scary. But I felt like I had come to grips with whichever way the outcome would go. And I really think that having read the book The Shack recently had put me on a whole different understanding of my relationship with God. I loved Him, even through all this pain, I trusted Him and I cherished His love for me.

So Monday morning I got up and called right at 8am to get an appointment to see what was going on. And God used His hand one again with letting an appt be open with Dr Hill, who is almost impossible to get into. He was putting me in awesome hands, and hands that I knew so well and trusted and really cared for my well being (not that the other doctors in the practice didn't, but I just have a closer relationship and history with Dr Walker and Hill). I told Sean to go ahead and go to work and get his mind off of it and I would call right away if something was happening. My mom dropped the kids off at school and went with me and Asher. My girlfriend Carrie met me at the doctors and my mom waited in the lobby with Asher while carry accompanied me in the room. Right away when Dr Hill walked in he seemed very confident that everything was going to be just fine and that it was probably just a blood clot. I, of course, had prepared myself for the absolute worse. So when I saw the heartbeat on the sonogram it was one of the most beautiful things I had seen. Carrie was there holding my hand and crying. We saw the blood clot and he said that my chances of miscarriage would be a little higher because of it, but he really thought everything would be fine because of the strong heartbeat. Relieved, blessed and happy I headed off to pick Dallas up from school. To celebrate I went to lunch with my brother and was just so joyful God had answered all the prayers that so many of my friends had prayed with me.

I was so happy to be off bedrest, that the baby was healthy, and that Boston and Dallas were back at home again! My other awesome friend Val brought me a celebratory dinner that was just amazing and the boys and I enjoyed that great dinner waiting for daddy to get home. I got everyone ready for bed and they had picked out their books when the cramping suddenly got worse. But I still wasn't worried. I told the boys that I didn't think mommy would be able to read the books tonight, and felt bad to disappoint them. I put Asher in the crib, crying and ran to the bathroom. It happened so quickly. The pain was like labor pains but it was very fast. And it happened. The worst possible thing for a pregnant woman. Suddening I was holding my baby inside the sac. I was 8 weeks and 3 days pregnant and the first thing I could think of was that every woman on earth that is considering abortion should see what an 8 week baby looks like. It looks just like a baby. With eyes and arms and legs. It's beautiful. Truly beautiful. And in the midst of this horrible tragedy God hugged me. He blessed me with a peace that surpasses all understanding. He showed me more love than I can explain. My heart broke, but it also broke for those woman, who not having known all the truth, aborted a baby. And I hope they all now understand that God still loves then and forgives them. But it also broke for those women who are facing this decision. It makes me want to scream from the roof tops, "DON'T DO IT!" They don't understand. Because even I, who have carried three babies, still did not understand what the baby at 8 weeks was like. Of course I had seen pictures and computer generated video, but you can't possibly understand until you have seen with your own eyes and held it in your hand. But I knew right away that my baby was with Jesus in heaven and was now an angel looking down on me. I know that motherhood is eternal and that one day I will meet my baby. But my heart still broke....but I still had 2 little boys right outside my door wondering what mommy was doing in there....

So no crying, I had to pull myself together right away and go back to that later. Thankfully Sean got there right about then and got the boys to bed. I grieved in the bathroom, not wanting to leave the baby honestly. My womb felt lonely without it in their. But once I got it all out I came out and Boston was waiting on me, not really knowing what was going on, other than mommy doesn't feel good. He wanted to scratch my back and take care of me. He's just so sweet. I finally got him to bed and it was then that Sean, I think, felt like I had a grip on myself so he could grieve alone.

My friend Carrie came over and it was very nice because, being a woman, I needed to talk, and I think Sean just needed to be alone for a little while. So Carrie and I talked and she shared her experience and she shared a sweet card someone wrote to her after she miscarried about a starfish. How a starfish, when having lost a leg, grows it back, but even stronger. And how the part that was cut off grows on it's own. I had endured this horrible pain, but God will make me stronger because of it. And she brought me my own starfish. Throughout the last few days God has shown me many things and one of them is how blessed I am to be surrounded by some of the best friends a girl could ask for!

Carrie left and I took a shower and went to bed. I had decided that I would still take Boston to school in the morning and try and go about the day normally. I have 3 boys to take care of, and I can't mourn in bed for days. Sean stayed home and we took him to school. I walked up to his class and saw my friend Tammy and immediately started crying. And I hate crying in public. Sean and I took Dallas and Asher to my parents and headed to the doctors. I starting crying right when the doctor walked in. I feel like my emotions are so raw right now I never know what's going to happen. She pulled the placenta out and confirmed that everything looked good. Sean and I had lunch together at Chili's, trying so badly to take our minds off of it. I said we should go look at buying him a car. So that's what we did all afternoon and it helped so much. Keeping busy was the best thing to do. Sitting around thinking about it wasn't going to help. Many friends called and wrote and it touched me deeply. I couldn't really talk on the phone because I was worried I might get upset and i just needed some time to grieve.

I had a homeroom mom and PTO meeting to go to at Boston's school so Sean went with me to be supportive and it was nice to see Tammy and laugh and have some fun. My parents brought all the kids back to our house and had them in bed when we got home. What a blessing they have been this whole weekend!!!! I don't know what I would have done without their help with the boys. And I know they must be completely exhausted from them, but they were very quick to just take them. After they left Wes and Suzanne showed up with a late dinner, ice cream and flowers (the ones pictured) and we spent some time with them. Honestly I think the busier and more people I'm around right now, the better. Sitting here by myself only makes my mind wander.

Tomorrow my best friend Jessica is flying in from New York. God's hand was completely over this. She got a job in a Brighthouse Commercial and is flying in tomorrow night. What perfect timing!!!

So that brings me to day. I can't believe that 25% of women have a miscarriage. I can't believe that many woman have to go through this same thing. Sean and I have decided to bury the baby, probably this weekend. We aren't quite ready to do it yet. As for now, I'm going to take it day by day.

Friday, August 22, 2008

ANOTHER hurricane day!I

So Fay (which is now a tropical storm) just loves Florida and doesn't want to leave. It just rains and rains and rains. At first I was enjoying the weather because it's such a nice change from the heat and sun all the time. But now I know that I couldn't last living somewhere where it's gloomy and you are stuck indoors all the time (ESPECIALLY with kids!). Dallas was climbing the walls yesterday while Boston was at school and when Boston got home all he wanted to do was play soccer INSIDE the house. The kids have missed playing outside and on the playground very much. We do now have a pond in our backyard again, it was pretty much completely dry before the storm.

While out to dinner with a bunch of my girlfriends last night we got the call from Mindy's husband that school was cancelled. The disappointment among all of us was kind of funny actually. Tuesday I was excited school was cancelled but after so many days stuck in the house I was looking forward to a quiet morning with just Asher and shopping for a b-day present for Suzanne. Oh well. Val and I decided we couldn't possibly spend all day indoors so we met up at Chuck E Cheese this morning at 10am and I stayed there till 1:30pm. The boys had a blast and the best surprise was that all my old friends from the first Mom's Club I used to belong to all showed up and the kids got to reunite and it was great catching up.

So the day didn't seem too long..and we met up at my parents house to celebrate Suzanne's b-day and watched some olympics.

Next week will be a shock to Boston since his first week of school only consisted of 3 days!! LOL

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Pregnancy tiredness

Everyone keeps asking me lately how I'm feeling and I've been feeling great. The cramps aren't as bad this pregnancy, nausea hasn't been much at all and I haven't even been that tired....that was until today!!! Today I feel like someone came and depleted me of any possible energy in my body. My brain, my eyes and the rest of my body don't want to function at all...and I have Dallas and Asher to tend to all day. I keep eating chocolate in hope of some energy (no coke in the house :-( I think I might have to make a trip out just for some cola. I do hope this is an isolated day and that the rest of the first trimester isn't like this (for all the other three pregnancies the tiredness during the first trimester almost felt like a disease that wouldn't go away.) Anyhow...please pray for me...send me some energy!!! LOL

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Hurricane Day

School was cancelled today with Hurricane Fran on her way, but, like all hurricanes, her path and speed changed. After having lived in Florida most all my life, hurricanes don't usually bring a great deal of stress to me. Really tornadoes scare me a lot more. Hurricanes are always changing and before I put my whole life on hold, we now wait it out until the last minute. As I'm writing this I'm listening to the rain outside, no thunder or lightening even. Just a simple storm with some wind gusts, but nothing really. When I picked Boston us from school yesterday one of the first things he said to me was, "Mom there's a hurricane coming!!! You need to the watch the movie." I later realized he mean tv. And then he told me we needed to have a hurricane party. One of his friends at school said his family was going to have one. So he thought we should have cupcakes, a cake and a real good party. So funny!! Of course growing up, we actually looked forward to the excitement of a hurricane and having a hurricane party. For those of you reading this that don't live in Florida you probably think we are crazy, well keep reading. When you find out what we did today you will really think we are! I remember in college, my senior year, we had school cancelled on my 22nd birthday due to a hurricane coming. So Sean, Jess and Bart (who were dating) and Erica and Tony and I all went to Applebees and they had Hurricane drinks for $1 in celebration of the hurricane. What a fun b-day.

Asher in a very appropriate shirt for today (Slippery When Wet)

Anyhow...after having woke up today and hearing Fran was moving very slow and hardly any rain right now AND that Disney was still open my parents and I decided to head to Magic Kingdom. No use in sitting around here! So we headed out and had a blast. We had a few sprinkles here and there but no down pour. And in 3 and 1/2 hours we rode a ton of rides since there weren't many people there. The boys had a blast and it was a fun memorable hurricane day! (to the right is Boston and Papa on the Buzz Lightyear ride and Dallas below with his FAVORITE character, Buzz!)
Riding the people mover with Nena and Papa

Monday, August 18, 2008

1st day of school!!!!!

Today was the first day of school for Boston (kindergarten) and Dallas (PreK-3). Of course my very early risers decided to sleep in. Boston was the first one up at about 7am and he walked in the bathroom where I was finishing getting ready and said to me, "Is today the big day mom!? I'm going to Kindergarten?" with the BIGGEST smile on his face. What a relief to me since I was a little worried he now didn't want to go. So I got him dressed and all ready and we took some pics. He picked out a Pirates of the Caribbean backpack that got free embroidery from Disney. He sure loves it! And I think I blogged before about how he picked out his red lunchbox that he is SO proud off. Then I made him Rainbow oatmeal (a special treat of oatmeal with sprinkles on top.)

Dallas finally rolled out of bed at around 7:30, tired and in a horribly cranky mood. I finally get him dressed in his new Wall-E shirt that he is so excited about. It has a button on it that makes the sound "waallleee." Then he did take one pic for me with his Wall-E backpack. He's been carrying the backpack everywhere...the boy is so obsessed with Wall-E.My mom came by to stay here with Asher (who didn't wake up until after 8am-why in the world didn't they sleep like this all summer long!?!?!?!)

First was dropping Boston off at his school. I was so nervous about it that you would have thought I was going. But I disguised it well for him. We walked up and he went right in with the biggest smile on his face. He hung his backpack up and found his seat, waved goodbye and I walked away, chocking back the tears. But since I had Dallas with me I couldn't cry. They had a Boo Hoo Breakfast for Kindergarten parents and I went by and got a muffin, OJ and some tissues and Dallas and I headed off to his school.
Boston's Class

He too was so happy and excited. He was even more excited that Boston's old school is now HIS school and that our neighbor JT is in the class across from his. So he went right in and started to play at his seat, said goodbye and I was off. No kids in hand, not really sure what to do with myself, I headed back to relieve my mom of Asher duty. I made it home and put Asher to bed and got a few things done around the house before I had to pick Dallas back up at noon. Then we came home, had lunch, and went to the grocery store. With Hurricane Fran on her way towards us I needed a few supplies and made sure to gas up the car. Dallas was very confused as to why we had not picked Boston up from school yet.

Finally 3 o'clock was nearing and we headed to school around 2:30. I got there at 10 minutes till (the time they told Kindergarten parents to pick up is 3 and said not to be early). But when I got there, much to my surprise, there was about 100 cars in line all the way down Oakland Ave! I waited in line for over an hour in the rain for my little guy. I missed him desperately and just couldn't get there fast enough. I just couldn't wait to hug my little guy after he had been gone for so long today!

We made it to the front and he jumped in with the BIGGEST smile on his face and said, "SCHOOL WAS GREAT MOM!!!" A few days ago I was explaining to him (after he had pushed Dallas) that at school they won't stand for this and they will send him to the Principals office. He asked what happens there and I told him he didn't want to know. We never talked about it again. The second thing out of his mouth when he got in the car was "I went to the principals office today!" I said, "What?!?" and he replied, "just kidding!" He's already too smart for his little pants. He told me all about school and said that he learned a lot, played a lot, played on the playground, made new friends and they had great toys (even a lego train!). I asked how lunch was in the cafeteria and he said "the kids that didn't bring their lunch got to go to the restaurant." I cracked up! The view of life from a 5 year old! I couldn't be happier with how great he did today and how much he loved it. He said his teacher was great and that he made a new friend and told me his name, although I can't remember it right now.
Our tradition that we started last year was to go to Twistee Treat after first day of school. Today is was raining so we had to go through the drive through, but I think they were just as excited. I also gave them a little gift for the first day, binoculars, which they went crazy over! They have a cheap pair that don't really do a lot, but these are nice ones.
So with the hurricane looming and no school tomorrow because of it we decided to head to my parents house to spend the night and watch the Olympics (since we don't subscribe to cable anymore). Wes and Suzanne came over and they boys loved telling all of them about the first day of school and just hanging out. They had a sleepover in Wes' old room and Wes came in and laid on the floor with them for a while looking up at his glow in the dark stars. Sean came over after pool and we all had a great time watching the Olympics. What a fun day it was!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Promotion Sunday for the boys

Today was promotion day at church and all the boys moved up. Asher is now in a toddler classroom so he will be missing his morning nap. Dallas, luckily, is in our friends Chuck and Mindy's class and I couldn't be happier with that. Boston moved up into the children's program from the preschool program. He now only goes to Sunday School and then has to go to big church with us. What ever happened to children's church???? How in the world are you to expect a 5 year old to sit through 1 1/2 to 2 hours of church that's not at all exciting for a 5 year old. When I dropped him off I told the lady it was our first time up there and is their anything I needed to know. She didn't say anything to me about him having to be picked up at 10:15 or he would go to a late room. I was volunteering today in a 2 year old class and at 10:30 I left to go get him and couldn't find him anywhere, nor any of his teachers. I finally found his teacher and she told me he was in the late room. Poor Boston, he was having to just sit there in a chair and wait for me for 15 minutes. Horrible. There should have been communication to me about this. Then we headed to big church and he did very good for most of the time and I was very proud of him, but I ended up having to leave early because he was just over it. I didn't hear a word the pastor said today because I was just focused on Boston not making any noise. Then when I came to pick up Asher he was screaming bloody murder with tears all down his face, no pacifier in sight, nor his blanket. Evidently there was no communication between the first hour teacher and the second. Poor Asher. Dallas had a great day though. At least one of them did. Boston said there were no toys in his classroom, he didn't get to go outside, there were no snacks and he had to stand up the whole time in the Harbor. I just feel so bad for him. What a huge difference it has been for him. To go from 3 hours of playing with lots of toys, two trips to the playground, 2 snacks and lots of fun, today had to seem like punishment more than excitement of moving up to kindergarten. For so long he's been looking forward to kindergarten, but I think he probably thinks now kindergarten means no fun. Sean and I are not considering switching to Saturday nights where they have a great children's program and children's church. I don't want Boston to have the impression that church isn't fun and doesn't want to come anymore. He used to look forward to Sundays. So we'll see. We will have to pray about it and try it out a few more times I guess.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Back to Disney

Our season Disney passes are back in business after the block out summer dates and it was so good to be back. While riding the monorail into the park the boys were jumping up and down and talking about all that we were going to ride so much that the ladies next to us thought it was their first time! LOL They looked like they had ants in their pants they were so happy! Of course we rode most all their favorite rides today despite the massive crowds (I guess everyone was going this last weekend before school.) Dallas even rode the airplane roller coaster again with daddy and Sean said he smiled the whole time. All 5 of us (or I guess 6 of us!) rode The Pirates of the Caribbean even with Boston protesting and not looking forward to the drop. We thought maybe he would like it now, but no change. Asher even liked it! It was funny to watch Asher this time around. He was pointing and trying to talk about everything. He especially loved the monorail moving above him.

The Buzz Lightyear ride, the boys favorite ride (well tied with Peter Pan and People Mover)
While daddy and Dallas rode the coaster Boston Asher and I played in the toddler playground. Asher loved to climb the stairs and slide down saying "WEEEE" He did it over and over again!
We went over to the boat playground for the first time today. It's kind of like a splash pad. They really liked this
And we were very lucky to happen to be standing right at the perfect spot when to our surprise Captain Hook started running over and hid behind this wall, and THEN Peter Pan came out. They tried to fight each other but realized they didn't have swords with them so Smee grabbed some sticks and they started fighting with the sticks, until they got in trouble. But WOW, that's something we will probably never see lucky, especially since the boys LOVE Peter Pan and Captain Hook! Although it probably won't help when mommy says to them "don't sword fight with sticks boys!" I'll then hear, "But Captain Hook and Peter Pan were mom!"

Friday, August 15, 2008

Train Museum

Today I took the boys to the Train Museum in Winter Garden. I didn't even know this was there until recently. It's free to all those interested. It's a little place with some great train artifacts and a little train running. The boys loved watching the old little model train and looking at all the old train stuff. We were the only ones there so the lady said she would lock up and take us out back to see the old caboose. They don't usually let people see it so we felt very lucky. She let us climb up into it and the boys were allowed to look, touch and climb anything. Wow! Usually you can't touch a thing!!! You can only imagine how happy and excited they were. What a fun time we had.

Dallas climbing up to sit in the conductors chair way up high
standing in the caboose

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Meet the Teacher Day

Dallas and Mrs. Sheff
Well it was a busy day of meeting teachers. First was Dallas and his teacher Ms. Sheff. He was so cute. It's the same school the Boston went to last year and he's so excited that this year it's "HIS school!" He sat quietly and calmly while we went through orientation and then we walked down the very familiar hall to meet the teacher. He started to walk into Boston's old class, Ms Sue's room, but then I told him he wasn't in that class he was in Ms Sheff's class. He grinned the BIGGEST grin and ran into her class. He loves her room and all last year he would always walk over into her room and say hi and play with the toys. Since Boston was in school in the afternoon's Ms Sheff was already done with her students. It was a great meet the teacher. Ms Sheff is just so sweet and loving and I'm excited about what all he will learn this year! She gave each of them a plastic water bottle to bring to school with them each day and some cookies to welcome them. It will be his first year at school and he's just SOOOO excited!

Boston and Mrs. Ramdehal
Then we droppped off Dallas and picked up Boston from my parents to head to his school. He was excited so the first thing we did was find a paper and see what class he is in. His teacher's name is Mrs. Ramdehal. We were the first to show up in her class and Boston found his name at his table and then looked all around the class. The first thing he noticed was that there weren't any toys. Poor thing. It was very very different than his preschool class that was full of toys and stations for different types of toys. She did have some toys but they were stored away where he couldn't really see them. I signed up to be the homeroom mom. I have to volunteer 180 hours to have a child here so I've got a lot of hours to get in. Then we went outside and he played on the playground that he's been wanting to play on since we first visited the school. Then it was off to the cafeteria to get all the rest of the things we needed. But at this point Boston became overwelmed with the whole situation. He didn't want to go in the cafeteria at all. We made it in and he found the Boy Scout table with the Pine Wood Derby cars and was very impressed since Uncle Hes had recently showed him all his old ones. I got our car label, uniform shirt, talked to PTO and signed up to be their Website Administrator (20 more hours). One great thing we found out was that Boston friend Jordan or as he calls her, Jorie, is in his class. We have known her parents Tammy and Jerry since before we all had kids. They go to the same church as us. So ya, we know someone!! I never dreamed they would have actually gotten into the same class since they are the only ones we know at the school. When Boston got in the car he was so quiet. I ended up climbing in the back to comfort him. He was so overwelmed and quiet, which quiet is not something that ususally consumes Boston. He told me he didn't want to go any place knew and just wanted to go to Ms Sue's class. I know he's going to love it once he gets going, it is all so different and overwelming to a little one (and to a mommy!)

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Our newest bun in the oven!

Here's the little "peanut" as the doctor and Sean referred to "it." The baby is doing great and they changed my due date from March 19th to April 4th! A whole 15 days later!! I figured it would be about 10 days later than the original so I'm VERY happy to have a more accurate due date so that maybe this time the baby will come on it's own without induction!!! And maybe I'll actually get to have that all natural delivery I've been wanting.

God gave me much peace this last week and showed me His love in many ways so I would not worry about the progress of the baby. The doctor said the baby looks great and we even saw it's little heartbeat. What an awesome site that is! Even after it being my 4th pregnancy I am truely amazed at the wonder of a little baby growing inside of me. It's just the most beautiful thing in the whole world and I'm so thankful that I have the opportunity to do it again. I LOVE being pregnant! So today I'm 6 weeks 3 days. Last night the "evening sickness" (I usually feel sick in the evening right before bed rather than morning) started. But I'm half way through the 1st trimester so hopefully the tiredness will be gone in a few more weeks!!

Monday, August 11, 2008

1 week until school starts!

1 week from today everything in the Whitman household is about to take a dramatic shift. School will be starting and things will change forever. Gone are the leasure mornings with unscheduled afternoons of fun. It's hard to think that Boston and Dallas will forever now be in school until they leave our house now. I do feel like I've cherished and enjoyed their toddler days and all that they bring. So I'll be starting back at the gym this week (my 5:30am wakeup call to have a little devotion with God and head to the gym). Then I'll get back in time to get everyone ready and fed and off to school.

And the peace that comes with this upcoming year is so awesome! After having prayed for years about what God wanted us to do regarding schooling the boys, he granted me wisdom and guidance and ultimately PEACE! And the confirmations that we have made the right decision have come in so many forms. Oh I'm so glad we are not homeschooling. And like I've said many times before, I LOVE homeschooling and think its an amazing way of teaching, but I do now think that God knew that it wasn't the best thing for our family at this time. I can't imagine the stress I would inflict on myself, always feeling like I wasn't doing enough, always thinking about what to do next, not just enjoying the boys. That's why I don't think I was made to homeschool. I'm hard enough on myself as a parent, I can't imagine how hard I would be on myself as their educator. So, thank you God for giving me Peace with the school's You have found for the boys!

We have been practicing what it will be like to have lunch at school so Boston will be prepared. When we went to pick out his lunch box last week he was so cute in the one he picked. Of course there was a barrage of character lunch boxes with all the popular figures the kids love. But Boston searched and searched and looked like he had found a treasure when he so proudly displayed to me the perfect lunch box for him. It is a plain, simple, red lunch box and he LOVES it. He carries it everywhere around the house and requests to eat out of it for every meal. I love watching simple joys like this in their little lives that give the most precious smile on their faces.

So this week I'm going to try and live up the last week of summer, attend orientation and meet the teacher at both of their schools and cherish every moment of this week. I always loved school, and I feel the same excitement that I felt when the first day of school was nearing for me each year. School brought so much happiness and fun and I love the fact that I can have that same feeling again as they near the first day of school. SCHOOL HERE WE COME!!!!

Sunday, August 10, 2008


Sean and I are so glued to the olympics and the boys are enjoying it to. We went over to my parents again today to swim and watch last night Olympics that we Tivoed on their tv. It's so fun to watch kids like Michael Phelps accomplish what they have worked for so long to achieve! I love all the stories. And the boys have enjoyed watching the best of the best swim the strokes they are learning. They are amazed at how fast they are. And then there's gymnastics. They watched the men compete for the first time today and they were facinated, even trying to do some of the moves themselves.
Later in the day I asked Boston which sport he would like to play. I named a long list of sports and he looked at me and smiled and said, "Mom I REALLY want to learn gymnastics!" So Sean and I checked the local gymnastics place and I'm going to call on Monday to see when he can start. I've always felt some kind of pull for the boys to do swimming and gymnastics, something I never would have thought I would before I had kids, my boys would be doing. I would have thought more along the lines of baseball, soccer or basketball. But it seems they are interested in swimming and gymnastics (and Boston is also showing interest in baseball.) So I would like them to try and all out to see which one they like the best. And as Sean and I have talked that we really don't want our family to be running around all over creation for sports all the time. So I think we will limit the boys to playing one sport at a time. Especially with 4 kids, we could be running around from dawn till dusk!

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Family Fun Day

Sean and I took the boys over to my parents this morning, they are out of town. It's just so hot outside to do anything other than swim. So we spend the whole day in and out of the pool and watching the olympics. I brought the boys over here last night to watch the opening ceremonies while Sean stayed at home with Asher. What amazing opening ceremonies it was! Best I've ever seen! And the boys really enjoyed watching it and I was having fun explaining what the olympics is. I can't wait for them to see the gymnastics and swimming competitions. So we slowly made our way home in the late afternoon and enjoyed the relaxing day.

The Shack

I finished the book The Shack this morning. What an amazing book and journey, discovering God on even deeper levels. It's a fiction book, but truely amazing. I HIGHLY recommend it to anyone to read. Check it out!!!!

Friday, August 8, 2008

Hot Florida Summer Days

So we have had record breaking heat the last few days and its so unbelievably hot that when you walk outside it's like walking into an oven. Sometimes no breeze and just a lot of humitity. But I'll take hot hot summers over cold winters anyday! But with the heat we have been trying to find lots to do indoors, although theres been a lot more tv going on than usual. Swimming is about the only thing to releave some of the heat. Today I took the boys swimming at my parents and it was so hot that the pool even felt like bath water! LOL Enjoying the summer, but looking forward to Fall, my FAVORITE time of year!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

More time at the beach

After Monday I decided we might have better luck outside of the house to first thing Tuesday morning we headed off to the beach again. Daddy couldn't come this time because of work. We stopped on our way to get some boogie boards, Boston picked a pirate one and Dallas picked a shark one. Then we had a full day of it. Boston tried boogie boarding with Grandma. The boys made lots of little friends out there and at the pool. They had a great time playing with Grandma and Grandpa too. The boys all crashed for bedtime and then Dale, Pat and I played Skippo, which I lost. Maybe one day I'll actually win that game.

Today we woke and got moving on the beach. Dallas actually went out farther than ever today and was really enjoying jumping the big waves. Asher loves chasing birds and kites and walks everywhere on the beach. They were so beat middle of the day we headed inside and went out for some ice cream. Yummy! After resting indoors for a little bit we headed back to the beach and pool one last time before heading home. At the pool, minutes before it was time to go, Boston dove in the shallow end. God had his hand on him because he just bruised the top of his head a little, oh my, how horrible that could have been. Lesson learned for sure!

Got everyone to bed, unpacked the car, took a shower and crawled my tired body into bed at 8:30 pm, very early for me, ready to read my book The Shack, which is amazing by the way! Boston came in minutes later wanting to keep me company in bed ( I told Sean he could go to the movies with my brother since I was so tired and just wanted to go to bed.) So Boston went to sleep with me while I had my nose in the book, so enthralled!

Blood work back

So I finally got a call back from the nurse with my blood work results from last week. She said it didn't come back with the numbers increasing like they wanted so now I have to do an internal ultrasound next Wednesday. I felt stress lay a blanket over me, smoothering my joy. Could there be something wrong? But quickly with some good advice from family and my sweetest friend Jessica, I focused on God, on His purpose and put my trust in Him. So instead of focusing on all the things that could go wrong, I'm going to keep busy, keep my eyes on God, on His plan, and know that He has the best in mind for us. Please keep us and this little baby in your prayers and pray that it is developing normally and very healthy and that in the ultrasound on Wednesday they will confirm that everything is normal. God is good and I do trust Him!

Monday, August 4, 2008

Oh what a day!

Today I defiantly wished I was still at the beach. It all started when the boys locked the door to Asher's room (which is a keyed lock that I don't have the key for). I put Asher down for a nap and closed the door all the way (which I hardly ever do). Then I realized it was locked. Oh no! So quickly I got a credit card and tried to to unlock it but that didn't work. So then I called my brother who's only a few miles away. We couldn't get anything to work so he ended up cutting part of the door frame and finally getting in. He had only been away for 5 minutes thank goodness. Whew. Close call.

Then we went to Ikea to get Dillard a doggie bed. They boys went into the playground there for the first time. What a great thing, you drop them off, get a pager and have 1 hour. Sean met me and we had lunch and then I finished shopping and picked them up. We had a get time there.

Then right before Asher woke up from his second nap I took Dillard outside and then Dallas came running and crying outside with blood covering his face, hands and legs. Oh my!!! So in I run to wipe it off and see what happened. I soon learned that they were sword fighting with plastic sticks from their soccer goals and Dallas got hit and his upper lip with slit open. Since it was 4:45 I thought I better get over to the doctors to see if it needed stitches, it had swelled up so much! While in the car I called the doctors office and he had already left so they told me to ice it, see if it goes down and stops bleeding. So we did that and it did, so we avoided the least this time!

So after a hot shower, I sat down to read the new book I'm reading, The Shack, and off to bed.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

New Smyrna Beach Vacation

Sean parents are renting a condo on New Smyrna Beach and we headed over Saturday late afternoon to spend the night. All day long that's all the boys could talk about. I thought we were going to Cocoa Beach so that's what Boston kept repeating all day, "we are going to Cocoa Beach!!!" Sean worked that morning and then we headed out when he got home. Right away we were off to the beach. Boston and Dallas were running all around and jumping the waves and everything. Asher loved the sand and we very content to play in it for a while. Boston kept saying this was "SO MUCH FUN!!! I LOVE THE BEACH!" They were even more excited that we were spending the night. It's a great condo with lots of room. The big boys had their own room with twin bed and Sean and I had the other bedroom with Asher in the pack n play. Dale and Pat were kind enough to give us the room while they slept on the pull out couch. We had a fun dinner at a steakhouse, although I didn't think the boys would make it through, they almost feel asleep right there at the table. What a fun, exciting day. Thanks so much for having us our Grandma and Grandpa!

Asher loved to turn his bottom to the chair and slowly sit down. It was just the cutest thing! The next day we had a full day of beach, sand, pool and fun! Boston loves the waves and has no fear. He would go out so deep with us and loved jumping, crashing and riding the waves. We've got to get this boy a boogie board. He sure does LOVE the beach.
The view from our balcony, its so great to hear the waves crash all night!
While taking a break out of the sun Asher and I were hanging out on the balcony and he loved taking his hammer and making noise. He was amused forever
While the other boys were playing with their new Transformers from Grandma and Grandpa Asher actually got to play with the train all by himself. He just loved it. No one taking it away or telling him how to play
Dallas loved the pool much more than the beach (which I totally forgot to get any pictures of). But while he was at the pool with daddy Boston and I had a great time building a big sand castle. Here is our masterpiece!
Boston then destroyed it
Checking out the water with Grandpa Dallas found a crab. We also found lots of harmless jellyfish and other ocean creatures and shells.
We left Sunday night and headed back because daddy has to work tomorrow. On the way home we stopped at the boys favorite restaurant, Bob Evans. They LOVE the pancakes here for some reason. All three of them devoured their food and crashed when we got home.