Thursday, April 8, 2010

Are you going to Fix me?

"Are you going to fix me?"

This is how our neurologist appt started on Monday. Dr Kojic sat Dallas on the table and he looked at her and with the sweetest voice asked her that. Tears welled up in my eyes. Tears for so many reasons.

What a journey this has been the last almost 2 years.

The hard part is that I feel like I'm in the darkness. Someone has tied my hands behind my back, taken my voice away and told me to parent this child. I have no idea what I'm doing.

My heart aches.

My brain hurts.

And I feel all alone.

A friend of ours who has 2 kids with Aspergers said, "Parents who has a downs syndrome baby have people look at them and know that somethings different. But parents look at an Aspergers kid and think the parents are bad parents." Because to most anyone you won't see anything at all different in Dallas. He is high functioning and goes along like all other kids. But there are some things different behind the scenes that only those who are close enough and with him enough notice and pick up on.

And I just keep coming back to Dallas' question, "Are you going to fix me." (Mommy tears.....more mommy tears.) Dr Kojic and I quickly said to him, "There's nothing wrong with you Dallas. You are PERFECT just the way you are!!" He smiled and seemed to quickly move on. But I'm still stuck....stuck with this phrase ringing in my ears.

Today was a hard day. A lot of days are hard days lately. Trying to get through to him about things he's doing wrong is hard. When the heat of the moment comes he goes right back to his automatic response, which I'm reading is normal for Aspie kids. (I haven't yet gotten to the chapter on ways to help correct this problem. )

But after he's calmed down he always gives more love than most people are capable of. His compassion overflows. His heart is so genuine and transparent. He can bring so much frustration to me.....and yet the most joy I've ever experienced. And I know that he will be fine. It's not like he has a life threatening illness or some tragic problem. It's just something that is hard. Something that will take work from him and from me. But it will also be something that makes him the most amazing person that he is. Something that will stand him above others. Will make him more successful. Make him love more than others know how. He will be a light in other's darkness.

And for now I will continue to live for those joy moments in the midst of the challenging days. I'll focus on how amazing at sharing he is. How quickly he forgives others. How much he looks out for me and for his brothers. How much he misses me while he's at school. His limitless hugs. His perfect smile. His perfect self. Because he is perfect!

Monday, April 5, 2010

This Monday brought a whole new meaning to Monday

So I awoke to an even worse sore throat and still running a 102 temp. At this point I thought that I might possibly have strep, especially since my throat had white spots on it. I thought I would go get swabbed for a test after Dallas was out of school and I was done schooling Boston. But then after lunch I realized that Asher's ear was looking really red and swollen. And when I say swollen, it was actually huge and sticking out from his ear.

I called the doctor and they said bring him in. So much for my dr check up since we have a neurologist appt for Dallas at 3:30. Sure enough the dr said she had never seen one so swollen so we needed to put him on antibiotics. He must have gotten bite by something bad.

While we were there I had her swab Boston for strep throat since he had been complaining of a sore throat for a few days. Sure enough he tested positive, confirming the fact that I most likely had it. I called my dr and they called me in antibiotics. So with three prescriptions for antibiotics we headed to the neurologist appt. After a total of about 3 hours in waiting rooms with 4 kids and a 102 temp I was ready for something stronger than antibiotics at this point. We headed for Publix for the drugs where the madness continued with an hour wait and crazy kids.

FINALLY we made it home and started the drugs....thank goodness for drugs at this point....and a new day tomorrow.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Happy Easter

Easter pic 2010

I'm so glad that we went to service last night because this morning I woke up with a fever and a horrible sore throat. Boston ended up spending the night at the lakehouse with Wes and Suzanne. Wes asked him after church not thinking about the Easter Bunny coming, but Boston opted to just have us bring his basket so he could still spend the night. Dallas was so excited when he woke up that he ran to get Boston, but had forgotten he wasn't there. That was okay, he was more than willing to introduce the whole "look to find where the Easter Bunny hid the basket." The Easter Bunny usually gives written clues but opted to just have the kids find them this year.

After the boys went threw their Easter baskets we got dressed and headed out to the lakehouse to have and Easter breakfast prepared by Suzanne. We played on the beach and lake and hung out and enjoyed a very, very relaxing day. Sean and Wes even built their own huge slipe and slide they had going down the hill on the beach. Then they put a slide at the beginning of it. It was a huge hit with the boys!

I'm so thankful for Suzanne because I was feeling really, really sick and she managed to prepare most all the meals. Later in the day I finally checked my temp and it was at 102. No wonder I was feeling so horrible.

But the boys had a blast and mommy rested some and then we drove back home.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Grandpa Dale's 90th birhday party

Today we celebrated Sean's grandpa Dale's 90th birthday with all Sean's family. We had dinner at Bravo and everyone was there to celebrate.

Here is Sydney with her Great Grandpa Dale Uncle Bill flew in from Boston and it was SO great to see him!
Here's a group shot of everyone
Sean's Dad (Dale), Grandpa Dale, Aunt Nancy and Uncle Bill Grandpa Dale and his cake
Ellie helping out Asher enjoying some fun time with Uncle Bill. Asher's middle name is named after Bill, William.

Daddy and his girl
That's one big table people.
Ellie wanted to sit next to the boys of course. She's so precious
When I was born my grandma bought shoes from the same company with my name and date on them. The boys all got boy shoes and now Sydney has her very own Mary Janes with flowers and her name! Just in time for Easter. Thanks mom and dad!

Sydney in her Easter clothes. We went to Easter service right after the dinner. We did Saturday night service so we could take it easy on Sunday. The dress was a gift from my childhood best friend Amy with her initials on it. Tights are courtesy of Nena with ruffles on the bottom.
Laurie and Sydney Mike, Ellie and Laurie family pic

Egg Hunt 2010

This year we went to First Baptist Central Florida's Egg Hunt. Boston is playing Basketball here and it sounded like it would be a good time, especially considering they had 10,000 eggs!! The boys were VERY excited. Sean was pretty determined that we would find an egg with a number inside to win a big prize, that's the competative nature in him coming out. We never found one but had a good time anyway. (Many thanks to Michelle for the sling, it's really coming in hang daily!!)
Asher was all set to go with all three baskets

Boston was serious about finding his eggs
Dallas was smiling ear to ear looking
Asher couldn't wait to see what was inside