I found out tonight that a friend just went into labor. We both found out we were pregnant around the same time and her due date was only a week different than mine. As her belly has gotten bigger when I see her at church it's always a reminder to me. In so many ways I feel selfish for feeling sad when seeing someone pregnant. I should feel joy for them. How horrible of me. Then I think, am I just overreaching to all this. People miscarry all the time. Do they all feel like this periodically? It's not like I'm upset all the time but there's a bit of sadness here and there. And today as I found out she's in labor I prayed, "Lord please don't let me get upset over this. Help me to be happy for them and not selfishly looking at my own feelings." He said to me, "Cricket, find your joy." And I thought: I have three beautiful boys. I didn't have to have a c-section with any of them. They are healthy and happy. I have a wonderful husband. I have a great house. I thanked God for all these things and I also thanked him for letting me see my baby, even though he/she was only 8 weeks along. At least I got to see him/her. And then I sang "Blessed Be the Name of the Lord." He is sovereign.
I must also add that for months Sean has been on me to focus on the positive. "If only you would just listen to me." Yes...I should listen to him more often. Find my joy. Yes, I will Lord.