China, a door closed

Today was a day to process things. That probably doesn't make since but I'm really not even sure how to start my blog today.

First I'll start with China. We have always wanted to adopt from China. After we had Asher we decided we would go ahead and adopt our next one from China and not have anymore biological children. We both have always felt lead to China. But a few months later I really felt God calling me to birth another child of our own. So I talked with Sean and we decided we would have a go at it again, and then he still wanted to adopt. Of course we did get pregnant but unfortunately lost that baby. After all of that Sean has been leaning heavily toward adopting and not trying anymore. I felt very torn. Very torn. But after him mentioning if several times I told him I would pray about it. I talked with God and told Him I really wanted to know what His will is for our family. Are we supposed to adopt or our we supposed to birth another child, or not have anymore period. I asked for a clear answer on this so I would know for sure He is speaking to me. I prayed this prayer Saturday night. Sunday I kept feeling my heart change and wanting to adopt again and I felt like God was speaking to my heart about it. So on Tuesday morning I made a call to find out how China adoptions are going. It was then that the door was closed (quite LOUDLY) on our China adoption future. It appears that China adoptions are taking 5-7 years right now and to qualify is very difficult. Not to mention most agencies aren't even taking any more applications for China adoptions. Even Vietnam is pretty much closed right now. International adoption in general is going through a very rough time right now. She said in no way is this the time to start thinking about international adoption.

Wow-I don't think God could have clearly spoke to me better.

But for us China has been a dream and a calling we years. It will take some time to heal my heart that it will never happen.

(Photos are of my two cousins that are adopted from China)