Today has been a hard day.
My emotions are oh so raw today.
We had a crazy morning getting everyone to school (shoes went MIA this morning and it put the whole day off schedule). When I finally got home I got Asher to bed and called to get my HCG (this is the hormone your body produces when you are pregnant and what actually makes the second line appear on the pregnancy test strip) levels from my blood work yesterday. They were 2025. I had my HCG levels checked a few weeks ago and my last one was in the 4000 range. Immediately when I got off the phone I started crying...and crying...and crying. I think I've realized that as long as I'm around people I'm okay, but it's when I'm alone that my emotions get so....emotional. The level was just another reminder that the pregnancy was over. My levels will drop until eventually they are at 0, which will probably happen next week.
I think the hard thing after you miscarry is the constant reminder with the bleeding and the fact that my clothes don't fit because my little belly had already started to pouch out. But, like I have said before, I just have to keep pushing into God. There I find peace, answers, hope and joy in this situation.
I saw you Wednesday and was excited to see you! I was amazed at how strong you seemed. After reading all of this I want you to know that I am praying for you. I was brought to tears just reading it. I wrote on the Setsma's blog a verse that I had come across while reading and its Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Let me know if you need anything!
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